No Abnormality Detected

In my deepest times of trial and sorrow, God never fails to meet me there and carry me.  This last few days has been no exception.  I have seen His miracles, and have felt His tender care.  There are times I wonder if He's really listening, if He's really there, and then there are times that I just know. 

I spent most of Sunday night awake, planning and rehearsing what I was going to say to convince some doctor I didn't know that he needed to see my daughter quickly.  I organized my thoughts, planned my appeal, and then practiced and rehearsed for the better part of the early hours of the morning.  When my stomach could wait no longer, I dialed the number and had the doctor paged.  I waited, phone in hand, stomach in knots, for a few short minutes before the phone rang.

As I rambled off my prepared presentation, I could tell he was not going to respond the way I had hoped.  It did not go well.  I hung up the phone frustrated and angry.  I couldn't believe I had heard such good things about this doctor, I was in tears.  So, my mind went to work again.  This time I decided I would call our regular doctor and convince him that my daughter should be in the hospital.  My thought was that if someone really saw what kind of shape she was in, maybe things would happen more quickly.  I was forwarded to his nurse where I presented my case.  She assured me she would talk to the doctor and call me back.  An hour went by, an hour and a half, my daughter was not doing well.  I was not doing well.

I sat down, right next to the island in our kitchen and finally did what I should have done to start with, I poured out my heart to God.  Right there I told Him that I was done.  I had done everything I could do in my human power, I had tried, I had nothing left.  I couldn't do it.  If He wanted her to see the doctor and get this MRI done, He was going to have to move the mountains.  Ten minutes passed as I sat there, head in hands, crying.  The phone rang, a number I didn't recognize.  I answered.  Somewhere in the distance there was the sound of a mountain being moved, I'm just sure you could hear it in the heavenlies even if I couldn't hear it on earth.  The nurse from the doctor's office, the first doctor I called early in the morning, was calling to tell me that the doctor would work her in that afternoon and that an MRI was scheduled for that evening.  Mountain moved...

Was that all He was waiting for, for me to get to the end of myself and turn it over to Him?  Was He watching, tenderly, knowing that He could do all these things I was so desperate to accomplish?  Did the angels cheer when I finally bowed down and placed it before Him? 

Dorian went to her appointment, and the doctor was fabulous.  He spoke right to her, he knew exactly what she was thinking and fearing, even though she wouldn't open up enough to tell him.  He answered questions that she didn't ask aloud, but had been wondering in her head.  He was exactly what everyone had told me he would be.  Where was the man I had talked to in the morning?  I think she felt better before we even left his office.  She bravely endured the MRI.  Her daddy and her grandpa went with her, they are two of her favorite people.  It was a busy day, more activity for her than she had done in days, but she handled it well.

The doctor had told us he would call us with the results of the MRI in the morning.  I gave him my phone number.  Why I did that, I don't know.  I didn't want to get the phone call, I wanted Devin to tell me.  My stomach was in knots.  What was I going to hear?  I had hope, and a strange sort of peace that everything was going to be ok, but there were still nerves.  As I prayed in the morning I asked God, "Let it be just You and me when the doctor calls."  I didn't want to be in a room full of people watching my expression as I talked to the doctor.  I just wanted it to be me and God.  I know that's not proper grammar, but that's how I said it to him,  "Just me and you."  I kept pouring my heart out before Him and I said, "I just want to hear the doctor say the words 'Good News.'" 

The morning went on and on.  I even made up and excuse to go to Walmart, so that I could be alone with the phone for awhile.  No call.  Lunchtime came and went.  No call.  I was really starting to be nervous, what did this long wait mean?  Was it good?  Was it bad?  Every thought went through my mind.  Sometime after lunch Devin's dad decided to go take a nap, Dorian was napping, and then his mom said she was going to go lay down for awhile.  As soon as his mom left the room I realized, here it comes.  It's just me and God now.  So, I played on the floor with the baby.  About ten or fifteen minutes after everyone had gone, the phone rang.  It was the doctor.  It was just me and God.



I'm writing this post not only to document what has happened with Dorian, but I'm writing this post to shout praises to my Lord.  This is the one time that I wish this blog, for just this post, had a million billion readers.  I want everyone to see the glory of God in this story.  He let it be just me and Him when I got the call, just like I asked.  He even listened to my heart's cry to hear the words, 'Good news,' and He gave me that, too.  I didn't even ask for that, but in His tender love and mercy for me, He gave me that just to let me know that He was listening to every word I was crying out before Him, and that He loves me enough to care about those details.  God was all over my day yesterday, making Himself very evident and very visible, and I want to shout it from the rooftops. 

Some may ask would I have been this bold about proclaiming His faithfulness if the news had been bad.  He and I had already settled that matter.  In deep agony and sadness I told Him that I would love Him no matter what, even if I didn't like what He was doing, even if I didn't understand it,  I would not leave Him, I would not turn away.

It would have been hard, but I would have been here proclaiming His goodness and His love, even in the pain.  This one test had great results for us, but we still have a sick girl on our hands.  I don't know what the answers will be.  I do know that God will be there, because He has shown me that, over and over and over again.

Thank you, Lord.

Quick

I will be quick with this post.  I have deleted all my other posts, they just didn't seem important looking at what we're dealing with now.

Dorian, my beautiful 15 year old, has a cyst in her brain.  She is miserable with dizziness and nausea.  The radiologist suggested we get an MRI done quickly.  That's impossible in this town, without God.  Pray that God would move mountains so that my daughter can get help quickly.

That's all I have in me right now.  I am empty.  God will have to do it from here.

A quick update:  Dorian has a dr. appt. at 4:00 this afternoon, and an MRI scheduled for 7:30pm tonight.  God is moving mountains, now we continue to pray for His healing hand to be upon her.